Bella's Dream Man

I wrote this due to my involvement with TB.net and becoming intimately involved with the story lines in the Twilight Saga books, the tragic events in the lives of some of my friends, and the story line of my own life. I was inspired to write this this morning while I had some drive time as I contemplated life and the world going on around all of us. Hope you enjoy as I think this is perfect for Bella's point of view in New Moon. That is, minus the part about another woman-that has to do with the lives of real people, however, I have already edited some of it to keep it closer to Bella's story.
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I thought he was the man of my dreams. He is the man of my dreams. Together the world was right and he was mine. I was loved like never before and had never experienced. While as living beings we were flawed, I still believed him to be the man who would run the race of life with me and push me in my dreams and aspirations. He made me smile, laugh, and take a simpler view of life.  Life seemed to move slowly yet also went by like a freight train, it was bliss.  But whether suddenly or over the slow creep of time I lost this man. While we were still together the man of my dreams was lost to me. A wall appeared, and no matter how hard I looked around, tried to tear it down, tried to look over, or look through, this wall blocked me from him.  As the time went on my love did not fade but I faded to the point where I felt I had lost myself, because the man of my dreams had faded from my sight. He was there by my side but I could not reach him.  Eventually we were done and separated, for my part this was not due to lack of love, he had my heart. And within a few painful weeks the man of my dreams was back in the arms of other woman. The little piece of my heart that had survived was torn. The man of my dreams had never had anything special with me. I apparently had been a time killer.  How could I have gotten it so wrong? I now drive reaching for his hand, I cry leaning waiting for his shoulder to reappear, and look behind me to see if he is there. I miss the quirky antics, the phone always ringing.  But he is gone. I've been told that in time the pain and anger leave but now between my heart, head, and the world I can't believe its true. They all have three different stories and I don't know which to believe, because I feel in my heart that I've lost the man of my dreams.  I feel cold towards the world and life, and cold things can't love.  I stare gazelessly across the wide open plains and wonder what I missed or how I should have done something differently.  Yet, I allow no one close to me.  My life choices were my own, and yet somehow I can't understand the tragedies of life.  But still...he left me.  Whether it was by word or deed, HE left me.

Posted in: Bella Swan